i am being persecuted for having learned how to think in a critical way

I resent the way I am.
I no longer like myself.
I no longer like the person I turned out to be.
I take no pleasure in what I am doing simply because it entails me to think.
It demands that I know how to infer meaning from situations.
And I am being persecuted for knowing how to do it.

How I wish I was born without my senses.
Take away my sight that I should never get to read again.
Take away my hearing that I might not be able to listen to anything again.
Take away my ability to speak that I might not say what I have in mind.
…and maybe then he’ll love me more.

Let me be “unthinking.”
Let me be something different.
Mold me into a person that you will love deeply.
I feel so unhealthy writing this.
I feel so sad about myself.
I want to abandon myself.
Is it possible?



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