You chose yourself and your lies over the one that really matters most. On top of it all, you chose to be with her after your work shift and even until now, you are still with her.
What the hell happened to all your promises the other night? What happened to all the things that I’ve held on to? Nothing… Purely nothing. Everything just turned into ashes as if it were a house burnt down in minutes. Indeed, THAT fast. You know what I’m crying about? There is no US anymore. It has always been you and your selfish SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS from the very start. I feel so bad about it, you know. You just don’t have any idea how deeply wounded I am, and yet I always hide it with a sweet smile.
And now, I do not know you at all. Had I known that you’d hurt me this bad, I should’ve taken 10 steps back in this relationship just to completely evade you. SERIOUSLY, what have I done for you to lie to me like this? What have I done for you to mistreat me? Have I not done enough just to be the perfect woman for you or even the most patient partner you could ever have? How ingrate of you to treat me like this.
I haven’t slept yet, you see.–Not even an hour. It feels like the world’s crumbling down on me and this is the time that I needed you MOST but you are not around. Yes, I give credit to the days or even months that you had me stay here but it is incomparable to the emptiness that I feel within. You know why? Because even if you are around, we don’t get to talk about the most essential things that we need to fix in this relationship. Next is, whenever we are together, there’s never a moment that you stopped thinking about her. Admit it or not, you, yourself can tell.
I have had enough…more than enough that I, myself, can’t even believe. I have loved you the best way I can…and I think, I have done my part and even exceeded your expectations. Trust me, I am in so much pain, Love. And just the fact that you chose a lie over me says a lot. One day, you’ll look back…and I hope you will remember that someone, somewhere in your past have loved you so real and so deep. I hope by then, you won’t weep and regret.
All has its end. Every race has its finish line. Somehow, I’m glad that I was able to love and give you all that I’ve got. It’s just that, you never really loved me. Love isn’t just a feeling. It is built by integrity, faithfulness, and trust. But everything’s been broken. Really broken. I have tried to fix it but I just can’t bear it alone. I looked at my side but you weren’t there. Instead, you just let me drown in misery ALONE. ALL ALONE. This is by far, the longest 15 hours and 30 minutes of my life. My head is tired of thinking, my body is numb of pain, my stomach is empty that not even a platter of food would suffice. How painful could this get? I shun you not.