I don’t get why it has turned out like this, and I don’t see why this should’ve happened. I’m the one with more reasons to say that it isn’t worth putting up with things at hand. Having stuck by as long as I have, and having endured as much as I did, I should be given something. A medal (perhaps) — an award for my continued patience to the treatment I’d received but no, this is your stuff. This is your own personal issues and mind you, I was always there.
I don’t know how I feel about this. At the moment I’m angry, but tomorrow I’ll probably feel a little sad. Actually, I don’t think I’m angry — that would imply that my feelings towards you are mainly negative. I think a better word would be is that I’m frustrated.
I’m frustrated by the fact that you’re so closed off. I’m frustrated by the fact that in your mind, it was better to just dismiss the things that need to be talked about. I’m frustrated by the fact that even though I value our friendship more than anything else, it is as if you don’t really care.
Every now and again, you’d say or imply that nobody cared about you, and that you don’t give a damn about anyone or even yourself. You lived and still live your life with reckless abandon and play things by ear. You failed to notice the people around you who came back time after time and incident after incident and yet, you played naive. Ever even thought why would they still be there if they didn’t care? AND YES, I AM ONE OF THEM. I am one of the few who stayed. If I didn’t care at all, why then have I stayed just to save you? Why would you have been one of the few people I asked about your life and wanted to know how you are coping with it?
Maybe you are just not aware that a lot of people in your life cares for you too. You are beyond reason. I can feel you blowing up and cursing about life and it’s complexities but for crying out loud, I AM STILL HERE.
As how majority convey this kind of scenario or situation, the more you get it (whatever “it” is), the more you expect it, and the less likely you are to appreciate it. And it makes no difference how crucial “it” is. There is nothing more crucial in your life. But there’s also nothing more frequent. And probably nothing you take more for granted. What stirs gratitude within us? It’s when we’re the recipient of UNUSUAL kindness. When I say “unusual,” I don’t mean extraordinary; I mean not-usual, uncommon, or infrequent. But when events become the norm our gratitude slumbers.
I’m not going to say something as cliche as “I have a lot going on”. I do, but that isn’t the reason why I would even give up. Until the day comes where you can function as an adult and respect the advice I have told you as how a good friend should do (unless there was something incredibly wrong that you felt the need to protect me from). We’ve gone through the motions of love, space, respect, resentment, and I can’t say that I’ll just forget about all of these and act like I never knew you. It just goes to show by the how you handled things that I was so naive to think you could feel the same.
And oh, I know that you have been sober for weeks now. I have said that you mean a lot to me. I have also said that I see you as someone who will change to become a better man– with flaws and imperfections BUT who will be PERFECT in my eyes. I hope you would…and if that day comes, I will be the happiest person for you– to see you grow and to know that you love yourself more.
Rise and shine as bright as you could each day no matter how cruel life is at times. Cheer up… And most importantly, shine brightly so that I could see your rays just like the sun. I wish you the best of luck in life, my dear friend.