You wake to find love crushed at your doorstep. As if overnight someone had tried to slip it under but it was too big, too unfamiliar to fit in your chest.
The earth shakes and all the cities under your skin are falling. And no one is around to hear it. Are you still broken if nobody witnessed your collapse? So you carry it with you.
All this crushed love, these quivers of excrutiating pain. And they never tell you how hard it is to lose love in people. How at night you can still feel your heart tugging towards them.
People are intentionally hurtful.
They have no consideration to others just as long as they can accommodate their own feelings, and their own needs. People have no faith for what they cannot see and feel. What matters to them is what or who is present at the moment.
And, they always weave an extravagant web of lies to serve as your trap. Tragic, yes, the more you try to get away the more you get entangled in the web. There is no getting away. The lies are going to corrupt and devour your soul.
I am in the web.
I am trapped.
I feel helpless.
I want to break free.
A quarter of a century.
A few years back, I have seen myself already married by the age of 25. As I write this today, a few weeks before my 26th birthday, I am still unmarried and is in more doubt about my weary existence in this world than ever before.
I realize that I am setting new standards for myself as I grow older. Love is not enough for people to get married but I do not also consent to the idea of treating marriage like some business deal with too much scheming and plotting.
I want it to be offered to me for reasons that are beyond me, and not because I just met certain requirements or qualifications. Or because I could fulfill certain conditions. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who truly and sincerely wants to be with me, not because I am just a piece that would complete his master plan.
I still believe that one day, when I least expect it, someone would come along and ask me to be his wife. It would be the most pleasant surprise in my whole life, and I am sure I won’t have the heart to turn it down.
I want my own love story to be good, worth telling to the world…
I could never have that if I were just a piece in a plan, or if I were just someone who’s not worth being accepted despite the short comings and mistakes, or if I were not worth being loved unconditionally.
Respect the person who gives you honesty, because most will just tell you what they think you want to hear.